Last night, I dreamt of the RCMP.  Yep, Mounties.  I was observing some sort of ceremony or fête.  It was indoors with stark, almost industrial lighting.  There were two young women with me, both of whom seemed interested in me.  I gave one my affection, the other, a knife, and my hand lingered in hers when I handed it to her.  Both women realized my duplicity, and they left.  I saw them later in the dream, but they no longer had any interest in me.  This dream fell on the heels of a day on which I woke up cranky, tried running but only made it 2km, went to yoga with a friend for the first time in many months, saw two of my favourite teachers (both of whom noted the physical changes in my body), and had a therapy appointment in which my therapist called me out on the quixotism of my desire to fix the past.  I can’t fix things that I didn’t break.  I ended the day with an AlAnon meeting in which I offered to take the chairperson position for the next three months.  I don’t know which of these events may have influenced my dream.  Maybe the therapy appointment.  Certainly there’s some overlap between my desire to pick at unresolvable issues and my waking attempts to run in two mutually exclusive directions at the same time, or to invest myself in quagmires which not only are not mine, but which I only seem to make worse with my well-meaning but fumbling attempts.  I also dreamt last night of vampires and zombies, a theme which has become repetitious to the point of being almost nightly for me, and which never fails to wake me up in dread fear for my safety.  Before I started dreaming regularly of zombies and vampires, for several months I dreamt occasionally of someone breaking into my house, which also woke me in dread fear.

I really don’t get what the Mounties had to do with anything.  They were a nice touch, though.

I’ve not been writing much lately; not here, not in my journal, not anywhere.  Although there are a half dozen topics I know I’d like to develop, it’s been hard to find motivation.  I’m not sure how to seek out the regular feedback I seem to need.


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