“You’re nervous because it means something.”

Woke up this morning around 5:30 and knew I had to start writing.  I didn’t want to.  I tried to find distractions.  Checked my text messages, narrowly fought off the urge to check email and facebook as well.  I wrote the date and the topic of my free write in my journal, then lay back down with the journal next to me in bed.  Standing on the cliff’s edge.

The same question keeps coming up in this round of TMI, and I keep not knowing how to answer, so I coyly avoid it and work on other things.  Wednesday, I finally heard the question in terms I understood.  Unsurprisingly, the terms that finally clicked with me involved a Canadian, which is a useful reference point for me.  And on Thursday I figured out my way in, how to start answering the question.  So eventually I did pick up my pen and start writing, and I didn’t come to a stopping point till I was three pages in.  I did some editing this afternoon to get the chronology right, but stopped myself before I’d edited all the life out of it.  Hopefully.  And I think where I stopped sets me up to pick up my pen again tomorrow morning.

I’m a simple person.  This is pretty much all I ask out of life.  Challenging work, and some sense that it’s coming together, or will.  I can usually tell when I’m onto something interesting because it spurs more questions.  Sort of the way fractals unfold.

Anyway, I watched this interview of Gord Downie on George Stroumboulopoulis’ show afterwards, and somehow, it made sense to me.  What Gord says towards the end about not holding back, using it all up – I need to keep reminding myself.  There’s nothing to hold back for.  This is it.

(Oh, also this article Gord wrote a few months ago for Maclean’s.)


One Response

  1. Nice… I’ll read the article. My internet doesn’t handle videos too well. And for only $50 a month.

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