from the IT department

Fellow employees,

We in the IT department, in accordance with recent regulatory mandates, have recently updated our password policy. Effective immediately, all passwords must meet the following criteria:

  • At least 47 characters in length, containing 12 or more of the following: lowercase letters, uppercase letters, numerals, nationals, cyrillic characters, Japanese Kenji characters, and Chinese ideograms.
  • You are required to change your password(s) every 14 seconds. If you do not, your access to our computer network will be terminated immediately, you will be stripped of your clothing, and you will be thrown out on the street. We will disavow any knowledge of you.
  • You are not permitted to reuse any password you have used in the previous 30 years. If you attempt to do so, we will hang you.
  • If you are like most computer users today, you probably access dozens of services which require passwords. You are not permitted to use the same password for more than one service. If you do, we will shoot you.
  • You are not permitted to record your password(s) in writing anywhere. If you do, we will hang you, then shoot you, then hang you again.
  • We have provided several examples of good and bad passwords:

    Bad password:
    IHeartPuppies!

    Easily remembered good password:
    fjdsakl;ierpowENIVA;OSI%$@$AIAOIDAEOIWFNDV

    We in the IT department have every expectation that these simple to follow rules will vastly improve the security and efficiency of the company. NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

    Sincerely,
    Your friends in the IT department

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